Fall To Pieces
by Miyukaii
Summary: I love you. Those are the words that brought me happiness. But I love you also caused the pain I am feeling right now. Based on the song of Avril lavigne Fall To Pieces just check it out!


**BLOODY ROCKER 32: **Hey guys! I don't know if you have read my first fanfic. Sorry I left my computer on and my sister messed with it and deleted my files. So I just deleted it. I don't know what came over but I decided to write something. Every paragraph is based on a stanza from a song.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the song Fall to Pieces of Avril Lavigne nor do I own SOR characters mentioned.

_I looked away _

_Then I look back at you _

_You try to say _

_The things that you can't undo_

"I love you". Those are the words that kept repeating in my head.

Those are the words you said that made me fall in love with you too.

"You are my world and I ain't letting you go whatever the consequences are".

How charming. And I thought nothing will ruin this. For I believe I won't let it happen.

But I think one sided belief will never work out.

_If I had my way _

_I'd never get over you _

_Today's the day _

_I pray that we make it through_

_Make it through the fall _

_Make it through it all _

"Sorry Posh. It's just we have to see others now. It really isn't working between us."

Then you left me without taking a last glance. I cried all summer break. My friends visited me and I was looking so messed up. Mascara stained my rosy cheeks. My cappuccino brown eyes were probably red and puffy from all the crying. I was worst than a toothpick. I was paler than Summer probably. My once pink lips were just as pale as my skin. That was my image the last time I looked at my mirror. But here I am now preparing myself for our first day tomorrow, praying that I will be able to survive and was convincing myself

"It is through Katherine Marie Brown. You and he are no more. Get it through your system".

But deep inside me someone was repeating, "You will always love him no matter what. He will be your only one.". With those thoughts I drifted to a dreamless sleep.

_And I don't wanna fall to pieces _

_I just want to sit and stare at you _

_I don't want to talk about it _

_And I don't want a conversation _

_I just want to cry in front of you _

_I don't want to talk about it _

_Cuz I'm in Love with you_

I entered the hallways putting on a fake cheery face. Summer, Marta, Alicia, Tomika, Michelle and even Eleni came to me. Worried looks plastered upon their faces.

"I'm okay now guys. I'm getting over it." I said.

"Yeah keep telling yourself that. You know it's not true Posh." Summer muttered. I stared at her.

"It's true Katers. You still aren't over it. Look at yourself. You look like toothpick and your color is much paler than Summer." Eleni added.

"I'm trying guys but…it's just…I don't want to talk about it okay. I have to move on. Let's go the bell is about to ring anyway." I said.

We walked past the noisy hallways heading to our homeroom class with Miss Peterson. We arrived quite early than I expected so we sat together somewhere at the back and chat. I am trying my bet not to space out or something so I joined. The bell rang and Miss Peterson entered. She started doing role calls. "Lawrence Tsai" I heard her say. Lawrence raised his hand and said in the calmest way "Present". Before Ms. Peterson called another name the shiny cherry wood door burst opened. Then I saw you.

"Nice of you too grace us with your presence mister." Miss Peterson said sarcastically

"Whatever" I heard you mutter.

You scanned the class for an empty seat and landed somewhere near me. Shit the chair beside me is empty and that is the only one. You took your seat and gazed upon me. I felt it until half of the class and I was getting irritated so I faced you

"Are you having a problem?" I asked you the calmest way I could muster.

"Posh I don't know if you are over the breakup but can you please move on. Please Posh look at yourself. You are punishing yourself." You said.

I was trying my best not to cry in front of you. I was trying not to shout and explode at you.

"This is Literary Art and if you don't mind please keep our personal business out of this." I said.

"Katers please get over me. Get over us. Do it for me. Do it for yourself." You retorted.

I stared at you as if you've grown two heads. How can you get over it? I continue to stare at you, just wanting to do it forever. I wanted to fall and break down into tears. But no I will be strong. So I stood up, feeling the tears brimming my eyes and ran out of the class.

_You're the only one, _

_I'd be with till the end _

_When I come undone _

_You bring me back again _

_Back under the stars _

_Back into your arms_

I sat at our secret place the clearing. I was thinking of what we have talked about before. Of the things we have discussed from the couple of times we've been here. I remember the times that you will tell me that these will last forever. How you would kiss me under the sky. I sat there just staring and relaxing at the peacefulness of the place. I watched the sun set and was now looking at how the stars brighten up the night sky calmly. When I heard footsteps behind me and heard someone said,

"I know I would find you here." I recognize the voice; it was the voice of the person I am trying to run away from, you.

I started fidgeting from my place. I am becoming uncomfortable sitting with you; I do not what to say. What can I say in a situation like this? And as if sensing my nervousness you strike up a conversation

"Katie how are you?"

Hah! Is that your best shot? Is that the only thing you could muster up? But I replied

"Not that good but I'll live."

I do not want to say how I would lock myself in my room just playing my bass without eating or just curling myself into a ball in my comforter. I do not want to let you know either how I would cry myself to sleep.I am afraid to let you know how I would stare at myself in the mirror thinking that I am imperfect.

Then I heard you again "Kate, I know it was hard for you. It was hard for me too. But you have to move on. You have to get over the fact that we are not together."

Then I analyzed what you said and without thinking I replied "Hard for you? Is it hard hoe to practice the words for dumping me? No you do not know what is hard. You will really never change!"

I started sobbing. I was shocked, angry, lonely, devastated. I don't know but I just felt so empty after he said that. After a few moments, I felt two arms snake around my waist and hug me really tightly. I hugged him back, hold onto him tight as if I was a girl dying hanging into life support. How ironic isn't it? But that is how much I love him. But the thing that amazes me is that despite the pain that I was feeling moments ago just disappeared in an instant snap when he hugged me. As of that time, I'll just forget and just live the moment.

_Wanna know who you are _

_Wanna know where to start _

_I wanna know what this means _

_Wanna know how you feel _

_Wanna know what is real _

_I wanna know everything, everything_

When I woke up, I feel so cold. I glanced around the clearing you were gone. I looked at the clock it was only 6:30 so I hurried home and got dress. I ran as fast as I could. At last I saw the High School peeking already. I got there at 7:40. I passed by my locker and I saw him headed towards me.

He said "Hey Katers" He acts like nothing has happened.

"Hey. Do you mind if I talk to you later? Probably during Lunch maybe in the music room." I inquired. "Sure." I heard him respond.

I was nervous. The bell for lunch has rung. When I reached the music room, I saw him lounging around the percussion instruments.

"So posh what do you want to talk about?" He said as casual as possible.

"I want to talk about us. And please do not interrupt. You will probably be telling me there is no more us. I know that but I want to know things. I wanna know why you broke up with me. I want to know how you feel. I want to know the truth and I wanna know why you are acting like this. Who are you?" I said.

"Katie what are you pointing at?" He replied with a solemn face.

"You know what it is. First I want to know why you broke up with me. Is there a third party?" I said with more courage.

"Yes Katie. You want to hear the truth? Katherine well yes there is. Her name is Lorraine. When I first saw her I know there is something different about her. I try to reflect my relationship with you and I realized that I never really loved you. It is most probably just hormonal rage as teens. I know it's harsh but that's the truth Katherine. You want to know how I feel. It is plainly indescribable. When I broke up with you there was pain. When I see you I feel happiness. When I look in your eyes I feel so empty for letting you go. But that's it. Nothing more nothing less. I am acting like this because this is the real me Katherine. This is the true me. Now if you got the answers you want I might as well be leaving." He said someway icily.

While he was talking, I was listening to every word he speaks. I cringed when I heard him call my full name. He never calls me Katherine. When I heard about Lorraine somehow I was relieved that at least he did not lie to me. But when I realize the part that he never loved me I was crushed. As if the man above there just decided to mess up my life here. But I continued to listen. I heard him tell me about the pain, emptiness and happiness with me. I felt that maybe there is still hope but again he decided to crush it by just telling me that is all. When he finished his 'speech' I just looked at him.

I looked at him and never did took a chance to look away. He was standing there in front of me. I was sad, lonely, gloomy, sorrowful whatever word you want to use. The words he said started to go into my system.

I stared at him so hard and find my voice to say "Please just let me do this for the last time. I have always loved you. But please for the last time let me do this."

I kissed him full in the lips. The kiss was passionate; I poured all my emotions in that kiss and I fely him do the same.After what seemed like forever I pulled away.

All I could muster up to say is "Thanks."

Then I walked away.

_And I don't wanna fall to pieces _

_I just want to sit and stare at you _

_I don't want to talk about it _

_And I don't want a conversation _

_I just want to cry in front of you _

_I don't want to talk about it _

_Cuz I'm in Love With you _

That was almost 4 years ago. I still talk to him and act as casual as possible. We never talked about it after the conversation in the music room. The band never talked about it afraid that I might just reminisce the past and get hurt once again. I never got the guts to hold grudge against him. Even if he told me about never loving me and just hormonal rages I never got the strength to be angry with him.

_I'm in love with you _

_Cuz i'm in love with you _

_I'm in love with you _

_I'm in love with you _

Probably just because of one reason. He was my first and true love. And even though it caused much pain I never had the courage to let the memories go. I can never have the courage to let the memory of how he would kiss me, he will say I love you, of how much I mean to him, on how he would stare at me with his blue eyes or even how he teach me to play simple rhythms in his drums. I can never let those go. They may be memories of pain but I never regret of not forgetting it. For it also brought me true happiness. You may think I am a fool, but what can I do? I love the guy. I love Frederick David Jones a.k.a Freddy or Spazzy Mcgee.

**Mux: **I hope that when you read this one it is much better than the first one. But I still got to admit quite cheesy huh? Feel free to criticize! Just send me a message, review or email me okay? Thanks! Please again do not be harsh!


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